


The Beach Trip

by Edarae



Category: Street Fighter
Genre: M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 04:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13562745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edarae/pseuds/Edarae
Summary: F.A.N.G is overjoyed that he will spend a whole day at the beach with his lovely boss. Unfortunately they are not alone.





	1. Chapter 1

F.A.N.G hummed and tugged twice at the straps that secured his big hat to the roof of his purple Thai Rung. Yes it would stay put even on the freeway now. He would have preferred to keep it safely on his head but it just would not fit inside the car. The ice box, the picnic bag and F.A.N.G’s belongings already took up half the trunk and it was bound to fill up entirely once the others showed up.

The curse of being so efficient was all the downtime when F.A.N.G had to wait for the others to catch up with his schedule. He tucked his dripping hands well inside his sleeves and opened the door to the driver’s seat. The door handle was a shadow of its former self from the times he had forgotten himself. F.A.N.G had so far not been able to stop himself from flapping his arms around wildly whenever something annoyed him. A careless touch here had left deep grooves in the shift stick. A splash of poison there and the ceiling was full of burn marks. The steering wheel looked like it was crying.

Sitting down sideways with his long, birdlike legs sticking out, he kept an eye on the clock. Two minutes left until the agreed time. The base door opened and F.A.N.G’s face lit up in a sunny smile. Of course Master Bison would not disappoint him! There he came hovering down the runway with an angelic grin on his face. He looked dashing in a red and yellow Hawaiian shirt, unbuttoned at the top to show off his chiseled chest. After depositing his black Shadaloo gym bag in the trunk he simply teleported right into the passenger seat.

“Aah, what a perfect day you picked for this trip.”

 _Not as perfect as you!_ F.A.N.G could not think of anything good to say. He just giggled and allowed himself the luxury of a daydream. He saw himself drive off right then with just the two of them in the car. They would go to a secluded beach together and end the day at a romantic restaurant with candles and a vase of roses on the table. No… not roses! The illusion shattered at a metallic scraping sound.

“Hey, take care with that thing!” F.A.N.G shrieked and glared at Vega through the rear-view mirror. “If you puncture the spare tire you have to replace it!” He could not very well complain about scratches on the surface considering the state the car was in.

The matador wore golden framed sunglasses and an atypically bland beige linen costume and was just squeezing in an oversized white duffel bag.

“Vega…” F.A.N.G nearly started tapping the wheel with his talon hands but he managed to stop the impulse. “We’re only gone for the day you know. Or do you plan to sleep somewhere else?” As if that was ever going to happen! Vega had no friends and as soon as the Spaniard opened his mouth, ladies usually ran in the opposite direction.

“What? These are just some necessities.” He kissed the claw and put it on top of the bag. “And my claw goes wherever I go.”

F.A.N.G was sorely tempted to melt that piece of unsanitary scrap metal to a puddle of goo. “Never mind. Where are the other two?”

“How should I know?” Vega shrugged his shoulders and lowered his sunglasses to take a seductive selfie in the morning sun.

F.A.N.G sighed and let his head sink down until his forehead bumped into the steering wheel. In that position he remained for at least five minutes until Balrog and the kid finally showed up. Whatever they had decided to take with them for the day miraculously fit inside a plastic bag. Since F.A.N.G had to push back the seat to the max to make room for his long legs only Ed could ever sit behind him. Vega, being the adult with the least girth, was forced to sit in the middle.

“Balrog…” F.A.N.G whined. “You were last.”

“Yeah, so?”

“SO? You fool, you left the trunk open, that’s what! Get back out there and close it so we can finally get going!”

“Oh man…”

“Stop this right now! Today we have fun!” The door closed with an audible thump as Bison used psycho power to settle the argument. “Now let’s get on the road!”

“Yes, Lord Bison!”


	2. Chapter 2

What had started as a pleasant day had already taken an ugly turn. Vega was trapped between Schylla and Charybdis in a rolling prison that he could not escape. However he tried to make himself smaller, he still had to endure forced physical contact with the ugly brute and the kid.

“Did ya gain weight or something? Hah!”

Vega stopped squirming around. Seething with rage he was too dignified to let out, he took out his phone in a vain attempt to distract himself. He had gotten numerous likes and flattering comments overnight, but this did little to boost his ego. Most of the admiration came from bored housewives and single women in their thirties and up who still had the original posters of him as a young matador. Time had passed and would continue to do so and it was a nasty thing to think about.

_I am still beautiful. I am..._

The phone vibrated. He opened the message from his agent without thinking that it could be bad news that could further spoil his day. It turned out he should have been more careful He dropped the phone onto his lap and stared straight ahead at the road, trying to collect himself. He failed. “ _¡Fill de puta!_ ”

“What did you say?” F.A.N.G exclaimed. “You do realize that we have a minor in the car?!”

“Oh please, like he isn’t beyond salvation already with that savage brute for a father figure.”

Ed snorted. “Relax, I’m not gonna pick up Uncle Vega’s silly Catalan curses.”

“See? And don’t call me uncle!” It made him feel so old! Vega put his hand to his forehead and sighed.

“What, do you want me to turn up the AC now?” F.A.N.G muttered.

“What’s wrong, Vega?” Bison asked. At least someone cared for his well being!

“I didn’t get a modelling contract because they picked someone uglier than me!”

“May I ask what kind of job it was?”

“Reference photos for artists who paint… book covers.”

Balrog burst into a booming laugh. “You’re trying to put your face on some bodice rippers to make it seem like you’re getting women?”

F.A.N.G, who had stopped the car in front of a red light, craned his freaky long neck and looked directly at Vega. It was a horrifying thing to behold.

“Let me guess, they picked someone who was ruggedly handsome? Hmmm? Someone who actually appeals to the ladies out there? I think you are targeting the wrong demographic.”

“Yeah, face it Vega. Women want real men, not frilly fancypants like you,” Balrog rumbled.

Vega blushed with indignation. “You are lucky that I don’t have my claw right now. When we get out of this car I’ll paint the beach red with your blood!”

“You and your precious claw will be an oozing pool of goo before that happens!”

Bison was glowing purple as all the negativity fueled his Psycho Power. “Ah, what a day this is,” the dictator said with a happy sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

A choir of honking horns pulled F.A.N.G back into reality. The light had turned green again and he resumed his driving responsibilities in a hurry. What if Lord Bison was disappointed with him? He dared a glance over to his right and found the dictator grinning happily. Good. That was what mattered most. But it was still hard to relax. The pent up hostility in the back seat was palpable. The silence that should have been a welcome break instead turned oppressive.

They drove on in that heavy cloud of awkwardness until it was shattered at last by F.A.N.G’s loud pitched shriek. They had finally reached the parking lot, but everywhere he looked there were cars and more cars and… other vehicles. He gaped as they drove past a monster truck that occupied four spaces alone. 

The bird man turned around and pointed at the trio, splashing Ed’s sandals with droplets of poison from the violent motion. “If only  _ you three _ had not taken such time getting ready in the morning we could have found a parking space easily!”

“I’ll have you know that I suffer from a lot of growth pains and need my sleep.” Ed said, kicking off his melting shoe. Purple smoke was rising from it, filling the car with a pleasant poison stench.

“Here, kid,” Balrog said and wound down the window. The toxic shoe started to hover, engulfed in a purple aura. 

Vega shrunk back with a yelp as it passed by extra slowly right in front of his face. “Why didn’t you just throw it out on your own side!” the matador complained once the shoe was safely outside. Ed and Balrog gave each other a nod.

Hope was not lost, though. Eventually F.A.N.G found an empty space between a red Lada Niva and a green Mini Cooper. 

“Ah, good. My hat is still here!” F.A.N.G untied the straps and put it on his head with a little sigh. Once everyone had collected their things, he watched with glee as the troublesome trio skipped away on their own adventures. 

The weather was splendid. He had brought good food and drink. Lord Bison was hovering by his side. This was...

“Guile is here.” Bison said as they passed a camo SUV.

F.A.N.G’s shoulders sunk. “Do you think he will try to cause trouble?”

“Who knows. He did get his boyfriend back, so perhaps he forgot our little quarrel.”

“I thought he was married,” F.A.N.G said. “To a woman.” Even though “two timing” had “two” in it, he had never liked the sound of it. It made what once was a perfect couple of two into both something more and something less. Awful. “Permission to melt him if he is a pain?”

Bison considered the offer for a few moments. Then he nodded.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Beach and the Fighters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14139060) by [Isbus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isbus/pseuds/Isbus)




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